you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
