the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
