We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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