I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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