I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
