You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
