If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
