You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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