So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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