My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
