i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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