I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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