I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
