forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
