she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
