all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
