I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
