my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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