you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
