you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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