I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
