Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
