I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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