meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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