gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
