hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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