There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
