He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
