what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
