tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
