At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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