he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
