I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
