ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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