Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
