haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
