My first STD was from a foam party
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
