Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I love having hate sex.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
