brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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