turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
