What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
