You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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