Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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