you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
