I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
