FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
