im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
