I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
