I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
