there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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