I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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