The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
