Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
