8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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