I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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