he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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