alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
