my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if only i could text you this smell
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
