State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
