So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
