i just made my gag reflex go away.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize