is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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