I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
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You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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