As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
