Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
