And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
