I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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