my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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