theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
