those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
