I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
