I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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