Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we're making bets on your personal life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
